TWEETVILLE

*NB*: A True Life Story.

*Chews Palm Kernel* *Opens* Ukot Nsung, Sips The Fresh Palm wine *sighs deeply* Whew!!! Another Interesting But Tiring Day In The Village *sleepy Eyes* *Picks Up Phone* *Dozes Off*

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It Was My First Time In TWEETVILLE[TWITTER], I had just Graduated With A Masters Degree As A Dr. From The University[FACEBOOK] located In The City Where I Had Been Studying Medical Sciences For The Past 5years Under Prof [ZACKLEBERG]. I Wanted Adventure, So I Left The City,I Crossed A River[Yahoo], A Valley[2GO] and Even A Mountain[MYSPACE] Until I Arrived At A Village Called TWEETVILLE. I Was Famished So I Decided To Rest, Just Then A Bird [TWITTER BIRD] Flew Along Directing Me To Follow, I Was Terrified, But, “Something Must Kill A Man” So I followed To The Palace Of The Village King[DARSEY], He Owned TWEETVILLE, He Welcomed Me With KolaNuts, It Was A Beautiful Village So I Decided To Stay There[REGISTER], I Was Given A House[HANDLE] Which I LOGGED In. There Were So Many People Buying and Selling [FF and UNFF] was the code, It Was Market Day!! [#FollowFriday]. I Stood There Bewildered, So Many Talks[TWEETS], But Nobody REPLIED Mine! I Felt Lost and I Thought It Was All A Mistake Coming Here, But just Then, A Beautiful Lady Started Following Me!

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She Was So Pretty, With So Many Followers That Out-Numbered The People In A Small Village! So I Started Stalking Her Back, Soon I Had More Followers and My SPOT[TIMELINE] Was Fun. I Sent Her A Message[DM] but She Didn’t Reply, So I Changed My Khaki Cloth[PHOTO] To A Designer Shirt [AVI] and Tweeted “Thank You LORD”. I Saw A Retweet, It Was Her! My Head Swelled Like A Fermented Garri Ijebu!

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Before Long, The TWITTER BIRD Notified Me Of A Meeting Point Called [TRENDS], There I Saw The Latest News, Gbagauns, Scandals, Met New TWEEPS, Did Business and I Even Met The Celebrities I usually See On Television, They Had Tags[VERIFIED] On Their HANDLES. This Was Fun I Thought! But All That Changed When I Got A [MENTION], I Checked and What I Saw Left Me In Distraught.

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“Gideon, What Are You Doing Here? You Are Wooing Girls! Have You Finished Your Chores?? Leave Here Right Now! “He Shouted Angrily. It Was Uncle!!! This Is Not Happening!! Uncle Is A Village Man, He doesn’t Speak Or Write English, He Cannot even Operate A Phone. How Could He Speak So Fluently? How Did He Search The LISTS? How Did He Find Me On TWEETVILLE??? My Head Was Boiling Like Hot Afang Soup From Calabar, I Was Flabbergasted! I Tried To Reply Uncle But He Scolded [BLOCKED] Me Off! I Tried To Tweet, But Cold Strong Hands Held Me, It Felt Like The Devil Himself, Feeling Weak,I Fizzled Out and The Next Thing I Remembered Was Seeing My Self In A Very Dark Room Along With Some Other Culprits. I Was In TweetJAIL! The Prison Janitor Held Me Then and Had Thrown Me In TweetJAIL Because I Over-twee ted Already!! Frustration Crept In, I Was To Be In TweetJAIL For The Next Two Hours.

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After I Was Bailed Out, Feeling Sad, I Left TRENDS only To Find A DM Waiting In My Inbox. It Was Her! She Replied That She likes My AVI!! I Tried To Reply Her, But Something Was Wrong! Someone Was Waking Me Up From Sleep!! This Can’t Be!!! I Yelled, Why Now??? And With That Loud Scream I Woke Up From Sleep Only To Find My Uncle Staring Angrily At Me, A Cutlass Dangling In Hand.. “Take! Go Fetch Fodder To Feed The Goats”. Briskly Startled, I Jolted Out Of My Mini-Reverie and arose From the bamboo Bed. As I Walked, Whisking Away slowly, I Smiled Hazily, What A Dream! I Thought Aloud.

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