*NB*: A True Life Story.

*Chews Palm Kernel* *Opens* Ukot Nsung, Sips The Fresh Palm wine *sighs deeply* Whew!!! Another Interesting But Tiring Day In The Village *sleepy Eyes* *Picks Up Phone* *Dozes Off*

It Was My First Time In TWEETVILLE[TWITTER], I had just Graduated With A Masters Degree As A Dr. From The University[FACEBOOK] located In The City Where I Had Been Studying Medical Sciences For The Past 5years Under Prof [ZACKLEBERG]. I Wanted Adventure, So I Left The City,I Crossed A River[Yahoo], A Valley[2GO] and Even A Mountain[MYSPACE] Until I Arrived At A Village Called TWEETVILLE. I Was Famished So I Decided To Rest, Just Then A Bird [TWITTER BIRD] Flew Along Directing Me To Follow, I Was Terrified, But, “Something Must Kill A Man” So I followed To The Palace Of The Village King[DARSEY], He Owned TWEETVILLE, He Welcomed Me With KolaNuts, It Was A Beautiful Village So I Decided To Stay There[REGISTER], I Was Given A House[HANDLE] Which I LOGGED In. There Were So Many People Buying and Selling [FF and UNFF] was the code, It Was Market Day!! [#FollowFriday]. I Stood There Bewildered, So Many Talks[TWEETS], But Nobody REPLIED Mine! I Felt Lost and I Thought It Was All A Mistake Coming Here, But just Then, A Beautiful Lady Started Following Me!


She Was So Pretty, With So Many Followers That Out-Numbered The People In A Small Village! So I Started Stalking Her Back, Soon I Had More Followers and My SPOT[TIMELINE] Was Fun. I Sent Her A Message[DM] but She Didn’t Reply, So I Changed My Khaki Cloth[PHOTO] To A Designer Shirt [AVI] and Tweeted “Thank You LORD”. I Saw A Retweet, It Was Her! My Head Swelled Like A Fermented Garri Ijebu!


Before Long, The TWITTER BIRD Notified Me Of A Meeting Point Called [TRENDS], There I Saw The Latest News, Gbagauns, Scandals, Met New TWEEPS, Did Business and I Even Met The Celebrities I usually See On Television, They Had Tags[VERIFIED] On Their HANDLES. This Was Fun I Thought! But All That Changed When I Got A [MENTION], I Checked and What I Saw Left Me In Distraught.


“Gideon, What Are You Doing Here? You Are Wooing Girls! Have You Finished Your Chores?? Leave Here Right Now! “He Shouted Angrily. It Was Uncle!!! This Is Not Happening!! Uncle Is A Village Man, He doesn’t Speak Or Write English, He Cannot even Operate A Phone. How Could He Speak So Fluently? How Did He Search The LISTS? How Did He Find Me On TWEETVILLE??? My Head Was Boiling Like Hot Afang Soup From Calabar, I Was Flabbergasted! I Tried To Reply Uncle But He Scolded [BLOCKED] Me Off! I Tried To Tweet, But Cold Strong Hands Held Me, It Felt Like The Devil Himself, Feeling Weak,I Fizzled Out and The Next Thing I Remembered Was Seeing My Self In A Very Dark Room Along With Some Other Culprits. I Was In TweetJAIL! The Prison Janitor Held Me Then and Had Thrown Me In TweetJAIL Because I Over-twee ted Already!! Frustration Crept In, I Was To Be In TweetJAIL For The Next Two Hours.


After I Was Bailed Out, Feeling Sad, I Left TRENDS only To Find A DM Waiting In My Inbox. It Was Her! She Replied That She likes My AVI!! I Tried To Reply Her, But Something Was Wrong! Someone Was Waking Me Up From Sleep!! This Can’t Be!!! I Yelled, Why Now??? And With That Loud Scream I Woke Up From Sleep Only To Find My Uncle Staring Angrily At Me, A Cutlass Dangling In Hand.. “Take! Go Fetch Fodder To Feed The Goats”. Briskly Startled, I Jolted Out Of My Mini-Reverie and arose From the bamboo Bed. As I Walked, Whisking Away slowly, I Smiled Hazily, What A Dream! I Thought Aloud.

* ….** IMAGINE …..*** …… *Conscious Blogs*

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